december thirty-first, two-thousand and nine; over it is, finally.

i don’t miss january, i don’t miss september, neither the months in between nor the days unremembered.

So, this year is finally coming to a close… I’m expecting 2010 to be better… however, this year, it actually will be. No more laziness, lies, or courteousness.  I am going to focus on myself and what I want, because what’s best for me isn’t the best for anyone else and nobody’s going to help me get to where I need to be. Being stuck in a day-to-day rut is now over for me; tomorrow, I will wake up anew and just know that everything is going to improve.

always a reader

too afraid to show love,

so it comes out as hate.

too scared to be first,

so she’s always late.

can’t take the reins,

she’s not a leader –

never a writer,

always a reader.

hannah

hannah was different, hannah had changed.

hannah was tired of being shortchanged.

upon her roof, she felt like a pilot.

only she was allowed and that was the rule;

her sister was stupid and sniffed all the violets.

hannah knew she would never be cool.

she always had good grades, didn’t have to be saved.

she never wore black or misbehaved.

for someone so gorgeous and someone so couth

this girl had to deal with the ugliest truth:

you can be tall and you can be pretty

but unless you’re a whore, you will never get pity.

on prom night she promised nothing but good

but her mom didn’t trust her like a good parent would

she said, “at 11 o’clock, i want you home;

and i want you know that we all die alone.”

“boys are so stupid and they’re always lying

and when adam dumps you i don’t want you crying.”

hannah arrived at the school with one thing in mind:

that “i will get adam and he will be mine.”

a little black skirt and a sliver of hurt

were what hannah needed to dish all the dirt

circling madly for hours on end,

sweating, and smiling, and making new friends

adam, her adam, couldn’t be found

so she touched all the boys

and danced all the way to the ground.

her mother’s voice rapped in her skull,

“you’ll never be pretty, you’ll always be dull.”

“oh! where’s all the booze! i need a drink!”

hannah threw up all over the sink.

after the prom she went to a party

in leah’s limo, so she wouldn’t be tardy.

at ten fifty-nine, she got in the car

yeah, she drove by herself, her house wasn’t that far

hannah was different, she was no statistic,

if she died in the street, you wouldn’t have missed it

instead, she came home, so horribly late.

“please mom, i’m sorry, i don’t make mistakes…”

ran up the stairs and into her room,

she opened the aspirin and sat on her tomb.

one by one, they went in her mouth

now she was ready to move to the south

hannah closed her wet eyes whispered, “goodbye”

she was tired of living, she could no longer lie.

i want…

i want to leave new jersey. i want to experience moments bigger than me. i want a wikipedia page, and i want people to lie about who i am. i want to be envied. i want nothing but the best. i want happiness, peace, and love in the world. i want to see the wonders of this fantastic earth and, one day, stand among them. i want to believe that things do last forever. i want to believe that life isn’t short. i want to know that i am the brandon in question, when the name is shouted down the hallways at school. i want everyone to know that i am the best poet neptune will have ever seen. i want everyone to see what they’ve missed out on. i want everyone to know my name. i want to wake up in the morning and not dread what’s going to come. i want to be hunched over a tape recorder at two o’clock in the morning, trying to transcribe a conversation i had with the next big thing. i want to photograph the most beautiful people in the world and have my work displayed in times square. i want a day to myself. i want to know that someone is always listening. i want to stop being so wishful sometimes. i want to grow up and stop being naive. i want to be anything but ordinary.

i want to leave new jersey. i want to experience moments bigger than me. i want a wikipedia page, and i want people to lie about who i am. i want to be envied. i want nothing but the best. i want happiness, peace, and love in the world. i want to see the wonders of this fantastic earth and, one day, stand among them. i want to believe that things do last forever. i want to believe that life isn’t short. i want to know that i am the brandon in question, when the name is shouted down the hallways at school. i want everyone to know that i am the best poet neptune will have ever seen. i want everyone to see what they’ve missed out on. i want everyone to know my name. i want to wake up in the morning and not dread what’s going to come. i want to be hunched over a tape recorder at two o’clock in the morning, trying to transcribe a conversation i had with the next big thing. i want to photograph the most beautiful people in the world and have my work displayed in times square. i want a day to myself. i want to know that someone is always listening. i want to stop being so wishful sometimes. i want to grow up and stop being naive. i want to be anything but ordinary.

Marie & Me

Let’s pack up and get the hell out of town

I’ve got big city dreams and they’re all going down

On pen and paper with my name in lights

I can smell it, you can see it, so don’t try to fight

Me

I know you don’t like my ideas, but I wish you’d just trust me

I keep all your memories so close to me, so close to me

I know you don’t like yelling, but you do it anyway

I think we take each other for granted in between rants and

I wouldn’t have it any other way.

You dropped out of high school with something to say

That’s story enough to find your own place

You have a gallon of talent and sass on your tongue

That’s enough for me, so let’s go on the run.

I sincerely hope you’re not out of my league

Because a scandal is a scandal and a tease is a tease

Would you take off your tank top or lay in the grass

With a bottle at your feet and nothing on your ass?

I’m not one to beg nor am I one to plead

But I don’t think I can take the lead

There’s only one spot left on the roster, Marie

And I don’t want to be hurt if it isn’t me

You dropped out of high school with something to say

That’s story enough to find your own place

You have a gallon of talent and sass on your tongue

That’s enough for me, so let’s go on the run.

You have the guts, you have the looks, so just go for it

I’ll stand behind you and hide from it

I’m not a coward or a loser, I’m just catious, you’re naive

I’d love for you to take a shot and pretend it’s not for

Me

You dropped out of high school with something to say

That’s story enough to find your own place

You have a gallon of talent and sass on your tongue

That’s enough for me, so let’s go on the run.

Let’s pack up and get the hell out of town

I’ve got big city dreams and they’re all going down

On pen and paper with my name in lights

I can smell it, you can see it, so don’t try to fight

Me

I know you don’t like my ideas, but I wish you’d just trust me

I keep all your memories so close to me, so close to me

I know you don’t like yelling, but you do it anyway

I think we take each other for granted in between rants and

I wouldn’t have it any other way.

You dropped out of high school with something to say

That’s story enough to find your own place

You have a gallon of talent and sass on your tongue

That’s enough for me, so let’s go on the run.

I sincerely hope you’re not out of my league

Because a scandal is a scandal and a tease is a tease

Would you take off your tank top or lay in the grass

With a bottle at your feet and nothing on your ass?

I’m not one to beg nor am I one to plead

But I don’t think I can take the lead

There’s only one spot left on the roster, Marie

And I don’t want to be hurt if it isn’t me

You dropped out of high school with something to say

That’s story enough to find your own place

You have a gallon of talent and sass on your tongue

That’s enough for me, so let’s go on the run.

You have the guts, you have the looks, so just go for it

I’ll stand behind you and hide from it

I’m not a coward or a loser, I’m just catious, you’re naive

I’d love for you to take a shot and pretend it’s not for

Me

You dropped out of high school with something to say

That’s story enough to find your own place

You have a gallon of talent and sass on your tongue

That’s enough for me, so let’s go on the run.

Meet Me At Six

you stood me up

i waited all last night

for you to come

and relieve me

i wish i could

depend on you

i wish i could

see you again

oh, enigma in my eyes

you’re what i depise

oh, everybody

everybody is

such

a

fool

oh, why are you

such a let down?

why can’t you

come around?

and see me?

see me

for who i am.

take the midnight train

to a place you’ve never been

where all the petty dreams are born

and where the holders are all slain

where are you?

where are you?

where are you?

where are you now?

why can’t you

why can’t you

why can’t you just

come to me

you stood me up

i waited all last night

for you to come

and relieve me

i wish i could

depend on you

i wish i could

see you again

oh, enigma in my eyes

you’re what i depise

oh, everybody

everybody is

such

a

fool

oh, why are you

such a let down?

why can’t you

come around?

and see me?

see me

for who i am.

take the midnight train

to a place you’ve never been

where all the petty dreams are born

and where the holders are all slain

where are you?

where are you?

where are you?

where are you now?

why can’t you

why can’t you

why can’t you just

come to me

so, why do we cry if we know how the story’s going to end?

yesterdays hurt more than todays

you nod, but your eyes are glazed

i keep talking, talking…

but your deaf ears are preoccupied.

vision backs away from me,

i am not prepared.

the mirror in my secret haven

won’t change a thing at all.

some people have to fail,

but why do I have to fall?

remorse grabs my throat,

i am not prepared.

oh, sure, i was going to be

a star

oh, sure, i was going to

go far

but now i find myself alone

the pills have given up on me

and this place i call my only home

isn’t everything it seems to be.

i am not prepared for this,

i am not prepared.

you are not aware of this,

you are not aware.

how many times will you try to find the signs,

before you realize that it’s not you,

it’s me?

yesterdays hurt more than todays

you nod, but your eyes are glazed

i keep talking, talking…

but your deaf ears are preoccupied.

vision backs away from me,

i am not prepared.

the mirror in my secret haven

won’t change a thing at all.

some people have to fail,

but why do I have to fall?

remorse grabs my throat,

i am not prepared.

oh, sure, i was going to be

a star

oh, sure, i was going to

go far

but now i find myself alone

the pills have given up on me

and this place i call my only home

isn’t everything it seems to be.

i am not prepared for this,

i am not prepared.

you are not aware of this,

you are not aware.

how many times will you try to find the signs,

before you realize that it’s not you,

it’s me?

and the sermon begins, and he’s gritting his teeth, ’cause the music kicked in with a pulsating beat.

I’ve a new best friend all dressed in black

Cut her legs real short and her face pulled back

I can show her around any way I please

And those who stare can answer her tease

She’s full of excuses and full of diversions,

We go on late night excursions

And fufill our perversions

Maybe we’re too good of a pair,

But does it look like I care?

There’s a brand new girl who’s a-comin’ around

She’s got a stomach full of ashes and speaks in nicotine clouds

In two-toned tops and pencil-leg jeans, her life is composed of nows

A good girl, I call her

What a bittersweet reminder

Of what it’s like to be young again.

When these two get together, all chaos enlists

They’re full of bad luck and burlesque insists,

Oh God, why can’t I resist?

There’s a sliver of narcolepsy embedded in my veins,

So I can’t stay up late and play their jaded games.

I catch glimpses into hell every other fortnight

Although this can end, I like it alright

I’ll load my best friend in coals

And the new girl in red

To stay warm after every summer’s end—

I’ve a new best friend all dressed in black

Cut her legs real short and her face pulled back

I can show her around any way I please

And those who stare can answer her tease

She’s full of excuses and full of diversions,

We go on late night excursions

And fufill our perversions

Maybe we’re too good of a pair,

But does it look like I care?

There’s a brand new girl who’s a-comin’ around

She’s got a stomach full of ashes and speaks in nicotine clouds

In two-toned tops and pencil-leg jeans, her life is composed of nows

A good girl, I call her

What a bittersweet reminder

Of what it’s like to be young again.

When these two get together, all chaos enlists

They’re full of bad luck and burlesque insists,

Oh God, why can’t I resist?

There’s a sliver of narcolepsy embedded in my veins,

So I can’t stay up late and play their jaded games.

I catch glimpses into hell every other fortnight

Although this can end, I like it alright

I’ll load my best friend in coals

And the new girl in red

To stay warm after every summer’s end—

looking for lactose.

We are the kids who are never coming back,
We are the kids who always dress in black.
“How beautiful the skies seem to be,” she said,
“but I know that inside, they’re nothing but dead.”
As this girl lies inside her casket, I see her pain, they couldn’t mask it.
What a painter, what a painter, with her tongue in her cheek.
She proclaimed that night and day was a game of hide-and-seek.
“I’ll drive far, far away, down roads of ice cream and black cold. I’ll drive
to somewhere.”
Where is somewhere?

ahhhhh!

“The roses will never grow high enough to stop me from looking.

I’m attracted to your silver beauty, I dream seamless bouts of tears,

for you, and only you.

When the violets die for winter and the sun is low at noon,

I can hear your humming-humming song, and I know that we’ll be soon.

I know that we’ll be soon.

As your sunflowers bake and lay, I curse courage, yet another day…

A day when the roses grow so tall and the pricks permeate my eyes,

like eager, eager hands warning clay of its demise.

I try to approach your sallow home, but around your garden I can’t but roam,

since fear drowns my calamity and keeps careful and unfree.

I dream seamless bouts of terror and anger I can’t control

and all the pesticides I would buy to have you to my own,

as you dream way, all cut up in the blades of grass.”

The roses will never grow high enough to stop me from looking.

I’m attracted to your silver beauty, I dream seamless bouts of tears,

for you, and only you.

When the violets die for winter and the sun is low at noon,

I can hear your humming-humming song, and I know that we’ll be soon.

I know that we’ll be soon.

As your sunflowers bake and lay, I curse courage, yet another day…

A day when the roses grow so tall and the pricks permeate my eyes,

like eager, eager hands warning clay of its demise.

I try to approach your sallow home, but around your garden I can’t but roam,

since fear drowns my calamity and keeps careful and unfree.

I dream seamless bouts of terror and anger I can’t control

and all the pesticides I would buy to have you to my own,

as you dream way, all cut up in the blades of grass

i’m all chill and happy today.

huzzah for the weekend.

word.