they say old habits die hard, but i am still alive.

Gathmann Arts Preview

horrid — Tue, 20 Jul 2010 06:57:30 +0000

Cory, looking down at her feet: “You know… we all have masks. No matter how thin or thick they may be, they exist. And I want to see who’s behind yours. Don’t you tire of being an actor?”

Darren doesn’t look at her and continues driving.

Cory: “Darren?”

Darren, smiling devilishly: “What’s the most exciting thing you’ve ever done in your life?”

Cory: “…What?”

Darren: “Just answer this question and I’ll answer yours: do you like adventure?”

Cory: “…Yeah? I guess…”

He looks back at her with vacant eyes and a vibrant smile.

Darren: “Guess what?”

Cory, eyes wide: “W-w-what?”

Darren: “We’re never going back to camp.”

All that can be heard is the sound of tires screeching against the pavement, then sirens, then crying, then nothing.

Summer’s about to get a whole lot less boring.

Gathmann Arts, coming in August. Bring bug spray and popcorn — you’ll need it.

fun all the time

horrid — Sat, 27 Mar 2010 03:35:35 +0000

take a shot of happiness
and swim it through your veins
it’s just ficticious as it’s vicious
like speeding down the lane
backwards highway 35
a dreamer’s dream of how to drive
if your little heart can’t beat
how do we tell that you’re alive?
mother, father, grandma says:
“school is one and fun is two”
but who am i and who are you
to tell me what to fucking do?
dress in this and dress in that
be my best friend, be my fool
& someday you’ll be cool.

apex beat

horrid — Sat, 20 Feb 2010 16:01:17 +0000

look inside yourself:
ugly, ain’t it?
it’s all blood and guts,
crimson painted.
beat – beat – beat of your heart,
doesn’t it dance when you see me?
beat – beat – beat of my fist,
answer your door, it’s tomorrow…
it’s when we swore we’d speak again.

stupid girl

horrid — Sat, 20 Feb 2010 15:59:50 +0000

oh, stupid girl
don’t cry cos nobody likes you
cry because you’re scared

to love.

oh, stupid girl
don’t fake because they make you
fake because you’re scared

to laugh.

oh, stupid girl
don’t die because you have to
die because you’re scared

to live.

december thirty-first, two-thousand and nine; over it is, finally.

horrid — Thu, 31 Dec 2009 19:16:55 +0000

i don’t miss january, i don’t miss september, neither the months in between nor the days unremembered.

So, this year is finally coming to a close… I’m expecting 2010 to be better… however, this year, it actually will be. No more laziness, lies, or courteousness. I am going to focus on myself and what I want, because what’s best for me isn’t the best for anyone else and nobody’s going to help me get to where I need to be. Being stuck in a day-to-day rut is now over for me; tomorrow, I will wake up anew and just know that everything is going to improve.

always a reader

horrid — Sun, 29 Nov 2009 00:54:44 +0000

too afraid to show love,

so it comes out as hate.

too scared to be first,

so she’s always late.

can’t take the reins,

she’s not a leader –

never a writer,

always a reader.

hannah

horrid — Thu, 26 Nov 2009 21:55:42 +0000

hannah was different, hannah had changed.

hannah was tired of being shortchanged.

upon her roof, she felt like a pilot.

only she was allowed and that was the rule;

her sister was stupid and sniffed all the violets.

hannah knew she would never be cool.

she always had good grades, didn’t have to be saved.

she never wore black or misbehaved.

for someone so gorgeous and someone so couth

this girl had to deal with the ugliest truth:

you can be tall and you can be pretty

but unless you’re a whore, you will never get pity.

on prom night she promised nothing but good

but her mom didn’t trust her like a good parent would

she said, “at 11 o’clock, i want you home;

and i want you know that we all die alone.”

“boys are so stupid and they’re always lying

and when adam dumps you i don’t want you crying.”

hannah arrived at the school with one thing in mind:

that “i will get adam and he will be mine.”

a little black skirt and a sliver of hurt

were what hannah needed to dish all the dirt

circling madly for hours on end,

sweating, and smiling, and making new friends

adam, her adam, couldn’t be found

so she touched all the boys

and danced all the way to the ground.

her mother’s voice rapped in her skull,

“you’ll never be pretty, you’ll always be dull.”

“oh! where’s all the booze! i need a drink!”

hannah threw up all over the sink.

after the prom she went to a party

in leah’s limo, so she wouldn’t be tardy.

at ten fifty-nine, she got in the car

yeah, she drove by herself, her house wasn’t that far

hannah was different, she was no statistic,

if she died in the street, you wouldn’t have missed it

instead, she came home, so horribly late.

“please mom, i’m sorry, i don’t make mistakes…”

ran up the stairs and into her room,

she opened the aspirin and sat on her tomb.

one by one, they went in her mouth

now she was ready to move to the south

hannah closed her wet eyes whispered, “goodbye”

she was tired of living, she could no longer lie.

i want…

horrid — Mon, 05 Oct 2009 01:53:59 +0000

i want to leave new jersey. i want to experience moments bigger than me. i want a wikipedia page, and i want people to lie about who i am. i want to be envied. i want nothing but the best. i want happiness, peace, and love in the world. i want to see the wonders of this fantastic earth and, one day, stand among them. i want to believe that things do last forever. i want to believe that life isn’t short. i want to know that i am the brandon in question, when the name is shouted down the hallways at school. i want everyone to know that i am the best poet neptune will have ever seen. i want everyone to see what they’ve missed out on. i want everyone to know my name. i want to wake up in the morning and not dread what’s going to come. i want to be hunched over a tape recorder at two o’clock in the morning, trying to transcribe a conversation i had with the next big thing. i want to photograph the most beautiful people in the world and have my work displayed in times square. i want a day to myself. i want to know that someone is always listening. i want to stop being so wishful sometimes. i want to grow up and stop being naive. i want to be anything but ordinary.

Marie & Me

horrid — Sat, 18 Jul 2009 18:47:41 +0000

Let’s pack up and get the hell out of town

I’ve got big city dreams and they’re all going down

On pen and paper with my name in lights

I can smell it, you can see it, so don’t try to fight

I know you don’t like my ideas, but I wish you’d just trust me

I keep all your memories so close to me, so close to me

I know you don’t like yelling, but you do it anyway

I think we take each other for granted in between rants and

I wouldn’t have it any other way.

You dropped out of high school with something to say

That’s story enough to find your own place

You have a gallon of talent and sass on your tongue

That’s enough for me, so let’s go on the run.

I sincerely hope you’re not out of my league

Because a scandal is a scandal and a tease is a tease

Would you take off your tank top or lay in the grass

With a bottle at your feet and nothing on your ass?

I’m not one to beg nor am I one to plead

But I don’t think I can take the lead

There’s only one spot left on the roster, Marie

And I don’t want to be hurt if it isn’t me

You dropped out of high school with something to say

That’s story enough to find your own place

You have a gallon of talent and sass on your tongue

That’s enough for me, so let’s go on the run.

You have the guts, you have the looks, so just go for it

I’ll stand behind you and hide from it

I’m not a coward or a loser, I’m just catious, you’re naive

I’d love for you to take a shot and pretend it’s not for

You dropped out of high school with something to say

That’s story enough to find your own place

You have a gallon of talent and sass on your tongue

That’s enough for me, so let’s go on the run.

Let’s pack up and get the hell out of town

I’ve got big city dreams and they’re all going down

On pen and paper with my name in lights

I can smell it, you can see it, so don’t try to fight

I know you don’t like my ideas, but I wish you’d just trust me

I keep all your memories so close to me, so close to me

I know you don’t like yelling, but you do it anyway

I think we take each other for granted in between rants and

I wouldn’t have it any other way.

You dropped out of high school with something to say

That’s story enough to find your own place

You have a gallon of talent and sass on your tongue

That’s enough for me, so let’s go on the run.

I sincerely hope you’re not out of my league

Because a scandal is a scandal and a tease is a tease

Would you take off your tank top or lay in the grass

With a bottle at your feet and nothing on your ass?

I’m not one to beg nor am I one to plead

But I don’t think I can take the lead

There’s only one spot left on the roster, Marie

And I don’t want to be hurt if it isn’t me

You dropped out of high school with something to say

That’s story enough to find your own place

You have a gallon of talent and sass on your tongue

That’s enough for me, so let’s go on the run.

You have the guts, you have the looks, so just go for it

I’ll stand behind you and hide from it

I’m not a coward or a loser, I’m just catious, you’re naive

I’d love for you to take a shot and pretend it’s not for

You dropped out of high school with something to say

That’s story enough to find your own place

You have a gallon of talent and sass on your tongue

That’s enough for me, so let’s go on the run.

Meet Me At Six

horrid — Sat, 18 Jul 2009 18:45:36 +0000

you stood me up

i waited all last night

for you to come

and relieve me

i wish i could

depend on you

i wish i could

see you again

oh, enigma in my eyes

you’re what i depise

oh, everybody

everybody is

such

fool

oh, why are you

such a let down?

why can’t you

come around?

and see me?

see me

for who i am.

take the midnight train

to a place you’ve never been

where all the petty dreams are born

and where the holders are all slain

where are you?

where are you now?

why can’t you

why can’t you just

come to me

you stood me up

i waited all last night

for you to come

and relieve me

i wish i could

depend on you

i wish i could

see you again

oh, enigma in my eyes

you’re what i depise

oh, everybody

everybody is

such

fool

oh, why are you

such a let down?

why can’t you

come around?

and see me?

see me

for who i am.

take the midnight train

to a place you’ve never been

where all the petty dreams are born

and where the holders are all slain

where are you?

where are you now?

why can’t you

why can’t you just

come to me